A blemish we do not welcome...

I am going to take a break from my “Fort Collins versus…” series and address a topic that has had a fairly large impact on CSU’s campus, Fort Collins as a community and myself.

On Friday, September 21, 2007, CSU’s own daily newspaper Rocky Mountain Collegian published an editorial that took the idea of freedom of speech to a new level. The article read, in sum, “Taser this… F--- BUSH,”spelling out the expletive, along with the explanation, “this column represents the views of the Collegian’s editorial board.”

As soon as I read this article it was clear to me that there would be severe ramification for the Collegian. There have been. Since Friday, the paper has suffered a $30,000 loss in advertisements revenue and in an attempt to level out the budget, editor-in-chief J. David McSwane has cut staff salaries by 10 percent.

Unfortunately, the effects of this childish blemish go beyond the newsroom and the present day. Because of the national coverage that this editorial has received, the university’s image has undoubtedly been tarnished. Parents of high school juniors and seniors are tearing up CSU applications and throwing them in the trash. Alumni who have graciously donated to their alma mater in the past are shaking their heads at this, meanwhile slipping their checkbooks back into storage.

I love Fort Collins and CSU. It's unfortunate that a mindless, immature, self-absorbed statement like this is going to paint our community in negative colors. This statement is unfounded among our people, uncharacteristic of our campus and unwelcome in this community!

When I read the "editorial," I went to a computer immediately and this is what I wrote to editor-in-chief J. David McSwane:

“I truly am ashamed to say I wrote for the Collegian after such a crass, moronic statement like this. Those childlike words warrant the walls of a bathroom stall in the PIKE house, not the pages of a professional daily. Have you forgotten your role as a trustworthy news source? Do you have any journalistic integrity? Could you not have found a more appropriate/mature way to voice your appreciation of the first amendment? Apparently not... All the hours I spent interviewing viable sources, capturing the essence of a story using the most captivating words and making sure my AP style was correct is all time wasted. I wouldn't dare show a prospective employer any connection with your newspaper on the chance he read those two words. You really dropped the ball on this one McSwane... you should resign.”

If you would like to send editor-in-chief J. David McSwane your opinion on the matter, click here.

Round Three: Fort Collins vs. Dillon, Montana

So I cheated a bit this time. Well maybe not cheated, but I went ahead and picked a place that many of you are probably not familiar with: Dillon, Mont. Then again, when one is trying to find a town for a completely one-sided, subjective competition that has the same winner every week, picking small, obscure towns that can’t be found on most maps will always fare well.

Dillon is a very small cowboy/college town with what seems like little to offer. Although most of its attributes are frail in comparison to the robust Fort Collins (i.e. its college and its bar scene), it actually comes in as a worthy contender when considering their clean air and amazing landscapes. This battle will pit Fort Collins' progressive and innovative open space program with Dillon’s natural beauty and landscapes.

For someone looking to get away from the busy life and settle into the countryside, Dillon may be your town. With beautiful mountain scenery, amazing outdoor opportunities and affordable living, Dillon can win over most people in a heartbeat. However, this beauty is only momentary. Because of Montana’s relaxed development laws and environmental stance, the countryside can quickly disappear to mass-housing developments, as Bozeman, Mont. is rapidly experiencing.

Fort Collins, along with Larimer County, combines to make one of the most environmentally friendly areas in the country. Sitting just outside of Fort Collins to the north is the Rural Land Use Planning Center (RLUP). One of the main goals of the RLUP is to give tax and land incentives to developers for building with great consideration to wildlife habitat and corridors as well as minimizing their impacts on the land. The RLUP has been wildly successful inside Fort Collins and is catching on all around Larimer County.

Because of the conscious efforts that Larimer County and RLUP have taken to conserve the beautiful natural landscapes of the area, Fort Collins has hope for a preserved ecosystem. Dillon’s destiny, however, is simply routed in a grim path toward a spoiled beauty.

Round goes to the natural environment that will remain 50 years from now: Fort Collins.

Round Two: Fort Collins vs. Albuquerque, NM

If the premise for this contest were simply crime rate, it would end faster than Bob Saget’s rap career. According to data from the Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR), in 2005, Fort Collins had 37.9 reported violent and property crimes per thousand people. Albuquerque, on the other hand, had 71.15 per thousand.

To those who have visited both Albuquerque and Fort Collins, this should come as no surprise. For those of you who haven’t, allow me to break down these statistics in a way that is easier to comprehend—appearances on “COPS” the TV show.

Anytime I get homesick for Albuquerque, I just turn on COPS and watch as the high crime rate is documented and demonstrated in an entertaining fashion. Go ahead—give it a try! You might have to go back a few years, however, because Albuquerque mayor Martin Chavez banned the show from being filmed there. The basis: It was giving Albuquerque a bad reputation and hurting tourism. The reality: Albuquerque has a high crime rate—“COPS” was merely documenting this—and banning the show from filming the city doesn’t dispose of the statistics, it just hides them.

How many times has Fort Collins been on COPS? According to the Internet Movie Database, a big, fat ZERO times. I know. I know. Crime isn’t determined by the amount of times a city appears on COPS. However, this isn’t a featherweight fight where slaps are measured in actual statistical date. This bout that pits Fort Collins against other cities is a heavyweight brawl where blows are measured in abstract, intangible measurements that I judge to be important.

Therefore, the victory for round two goes to the town with fewer appearances on COPS: Fort Collins.

Fort Collins: The undisputed champ

What makes a town a great place to live? According to Money Magazine, it’s gotta have “everything any family could want - economic opportunity, good schools, safe streets, things to do and a sense of community.” The magazine also looks at the ratio between average annual income and cost of living, average amount of school completed by residents, percentage of people with health care and overall quality of life.

Well, Fort Collins has done quite well in these ratings and consequently received the prized title of “Best Place to Live in 2006.” But what about the intangible observations that statistics can’t measure? I have compiled a list of 10 fairly intangible observations that I feel exalt Fort Collins, the constant, above other cities that I’ve lived in, the variables. So sound the bell and let's get this heavyweight bout underway!

Round 1: Fort Collins Vs. Colorado Springs

This battle might as well be titled “attractive girl blows kiss from nice Jetta vs. high school dropout on power trip stares you down through the peeling window tint of his Honda Civic.” To me, this is a no-brainer.

Let me explain: See, in Colorado Springs Civics are as common as AIDS in Africa (and probably more deadly). Young wannabe Slim Shadys buy Honda Civics with unfinished body work from the parking lot of Wal-Mart, alter the exhaust, throw a “meant for speed” sticker on the back window, and all of a sudden think their on the set of The Fast and the Furious.

Not only that, but when they pull next to you at a stoplight, they stare as if they are Vin Diesel. Fortunately, Vin Diesel looks like a chimp with Down syndrome and so I laugh at their pitiful attempt at establishing their piss boundaries.

Fort Collins, on the other hand, has a beautiful rule that is more reliable than gravity: out of five females driving a Volkswagen Jetta, four will be attractive (deemed by me).

The Four-fifths Rule, as my roommates and I describe it, ensures that when you pull up to a light, you’re more likely to get a germ-free air kiss from a gem in a Jetta than a finger from a chimp in a Civic. Four-fifths of the time I’ll take the former over the latter!

That’s enough for now … Round one goes to Fort Collins!

Old Town Square: The difference is night and day...

There is something truly special about Old Town Square. Sure, the rich history and timeless architecture of the location is worth much consideration, however, the true beauty of Old Town exists elsewhere.

That’s right, in fact Old Town Square’s most admirable quality can be found in its unique setting that masterfully combines daytime food and entertainment with a rich nightlife that is sure to offer great times.

During the day, the location offers both visitors and locals alike with quality dining, beautiful sites and countless amounts of family-friendly entertainment and fun.

Take for example CooperSmith's Pub and Brewing. Located in the heart of Old Town Square, this restaurant/poolhall/brewery has answers for the whole family. A few weeks ago my nephew (4) and niece (2) ate their dinosaur chicken nuggets and colored their menus while their responsible uncle entertained himself with several mugs of Mountain Avenue Wheat. We all left full, happy and a little unsteady on our feet. Cheers!

When the sun goes down in Old Town, however, it’s time to call a baby sitter (be it for your children or immature roommates), grab your drinking socks/hat/thong, and head on over to the much-transformed Old Town Square for a night of live music, friendly people and rich culture. Be sure to take several pictures, however, because drink specials tend to take precedence over maintaining memory.

Still, with a mere dimming of the celestial lights, the versatility of Old Town Square becomes evident and one can see that the difference is truly Night and Day.

Let’s go!

Fort Collins: So awesome a caveman would think so...

Fort Collins has it all, even if you were born during the Paleolithic Era: There's wild life to hunt (although I don't think the Homo sapiens in the cave next to you would be too happy if you ate Scruffles for dinner); there are several water sources to bathe in and travel by; and last of all, there is a large variety of strong, fit females that would make a perfect breeding partner.

Still, Fort Collins offers fun and amusement that goes far beyond the basic needs of any lingering Neanderthals.

I aim to outline why I feel Fort Collins rightfully deserved Money magazine’s title of the “best place to live in America for 2006” and, in doing so, angrily oppose the incoherent decision to omit this wonderful place from 2007’s ranking. Did they forget that Fort Collins offers FOUR eco-conscious breweries? How many do you have Middleton, Wis. (if that’s even a real place)?

-Onward-

Photograph by BEN AAKER/Old Town, Fort Collins